Mornings are made even better with the smell of a hot Swiss Miss chocolate in my favorite cup I bought from Denver. Witnessing the silent smoke coming out from the cup, I can’t help but sip and savor the sweetness of the dark-colored hot drink. The shy smile on my face can tell I enjoyed the taste from the moment the liquid chocolate touched my lips, went through my mouth, down to my throat and stomach. But honestly, it’s not the taste that I enjoyed the most, but the moment. A moment of peace and a moment to just let the mind wander wherever it wants to go.
In the last few months, I chose to accept the gift that everyone would envy. I cherished every moment and enjoyed every detail of it. But I never realized, the very gift that was supposed to draw me closer to the Giver was also the one that drifted me away.
It was a crazy journey written in the history of my life. A journey filled with valuable lessons, tears and laughter, stories of victories with wounded knees, and stories of agony and sorrow with a broken heart. I could have done a lot more but I knew I had to go. When faced with life-changing decisions we need to make in life, there’s one important determining factor: PRIORITY.
While I was busy focusing on the things I’ve worked hard for, I lost connection to the things that matter to me the most. I felt like I took a detour. I was consumed by the things that eventually stole every little thing in me. I lost a life. I lost my quiet times. Even in my own solitude, the nightmares continue to haunt me. I lost the sound of silence and peace. Eventually, I lost my solitude.
But now, I took another turn. Gone are the days of lost connection. Just like a song that slowly fades away, so as the ending of that episode of my life. Sad, yet sweet and lovely. It’s finally over and now I’m back to where I’m supposed to be. Not back to an old struggling life, but back to the focus I should have never lost in the first place. Back to pursuing what really matters. Back to catching the butterfly that once landed on my finger.
I could have never found my way back without Someone’s help. God remained to be faithful even when I wasn’t. He accepted me with open arms even when I failed. And even now, He remains to be who He is. And there’s nothing else I could utter but only the sound of my soft cries on bended knees before Him. The cry of longingness and brokenness.
All by God’s grace, things are now back new and improved. Catching up with fellowships that were missed and accountability sessions with the ones I love to encourage and rebuke. And most of all, a fiercer relationship with the One who holds everything. This time deeper, fiercer, and bolder.
What a lovely thought to ponder in the quietness of the day. Now let me sip another sweet taste of Swiss Miss chocolate.